For months now I've been feeling off-kilter. I have been in need of something in my life. Balance? Relaxation? Brain transplant? Vacation!!! I thought long and hard about where we should go that we could bring children and they would have a good time while I still got to relax and enjoy my journey back to sanity. Florida was just too much to conquer with a baby and we only had a few days so NJ (my home state) was just too far to travel. I stumbled on a website that made me instantly smile and after much deliberation in my crowded mind, I booked a cabin in the Blue Ridge Mountains.
Now, I am by no means a full-fledged country girl being from New Jersey , but after eight years in Georgia I can get a little dirty and not squeal. However, this is not that camping trip. This is luxury camping for countrified city girls. After persuading the kids with a cabin that had air hockey, foosball, and pool tables as well as arcade style video games in the basement everyone was on board. I planned gem mining, apple picking, and train rides, but for the most part my plan was relaxation. Now, anyone that knows me, knows full well that my life is rarely relaxing. It is filled with the sweetest fighting children you've ever seen , with rushing from place to place, with a hubby that has a stressful job, and with an endless run of bad luck these days. Relaxation was much needed, but rarely achieved.Having said this, it should not surprise anyone to hear that exactly fifteen minutes down the highway our car just stops in the middle of the road and we coast to the shoulder. I pick up the phone to cancel the whole thing , but pause hopefully. The hubby pops the hood and looks genuinely pleased. Simply, a disconnected battery wire. He reattaches this and then my hero does his best to flag down someone to jump start our car. He waves the cables through the air as cars fly by and to further my distaste for society - no one stops. He continues to do this from the middle of the highway and finally my faith in humanity is restored. Out of the 70 cars that must have past us, one man stopped. As grateful as I am, being from a less trusting area of the country I smile at the man while my hand grasps the gun wedged between the drivers seat and console waiting for him to attack us and steal my purse. Of course, this doesn't happen, but I like to be cautious. My husband offers the man money and he refuses. Could good people actually be still hiding out there? Thank you wonderful stranger!
On the road again, the tension starts to melt from my shoulders and the radio blasts out every song I know in a row. Jackpot! The whole car full is singing everything from Reba to Ozzy , except for the baby who graciously slept the entire way. Three hours later, the mountain air hits me and I can feel all of the stress of life slipping away and fantasy life beginning. We pull up to this gorgeous three story cabin with huge windows that let in all the sunshine you could ask for and unpack the car.
Welcome, to my life. The first night we are there begins so beautifully. We unpack and play some games in the game room . the children are smiling as they bond with dad learning to shoot pool. I discover that I am one awesome foosball player, which until that day seemed like the most ridiculous waste of time I could imagine. (Yup, now I am hooked. ) I leave the boys downstairs to burn off their energy while dad and I start to cook dinner. Cooking dinner with your husband is such an amazing experience. I know , it sounds little and insignificant but it is the little things I have learned that make life so completely wonderful. Hubby starts up the grill and seasons the most wonderful steaks I have ever tasted while I crack open a bottle of Moscato and sip as I chop and create. (For those of you that don't know me- I am not a wine person...until now.) Sipping wine while cooking and eating with my family was definitely more relaxing than say at home where it would be... I dont want to eat at the table I want to eat in my room/the living room/ the floor and Im not eating that!!! My boys ATE their dinner. They ate steak. They have never touched a piece of meat before. Watching them tasting it and saying yummmmm was a treat for any mother. They tasted shrimp and well, atleast one like it. They cleaned their plates and took them... and ours... to the sink. We pulled out the go fish cards and played at the table. I distinctly remember the laughter and the sweetness of this time. I can see myself holding my wine glass to my chest and watching my husband and his sons giggle over this game and thinking this is the most perfect picture of sweetness there ever was. And then it started...
The kids got into pj's and we snuggle onto the couch. I get the text. One of my oldest friend writes, " Are you guys ok?" I turn on the news. Tornadoes surrounding the town we are in on every side. Storms everywhere. News reports of people dead and homes destroyed all around us and the wind picks up outside the ALL GLASS wall behind me. Great. My bad luck has followed me. It seems my car was an omen to stay home. We let the kids sleep while I gather supplies and head to the basement to prepare. Then I wrapped up in a blanket with Daniel on the couch to wait and see. We stayed up til two in the morning. Let me rephrase. I stayed up til midnight watching the weather and then feeling the safety of Daniel's arms around me and the protective vibe as he watched the maps closely I fell asleep on him. He stayed up til two until every storm had passed, again being my hero. There were tornadoes and people killed in every county surrounding us, but ours was kept completely safe.
Despite the rough start, and that the baby doesn't sleep well anywhere but at home where he sleeps a solid twelve hours every night, we got up early and started a wonderful day.Mostly , the same as the previous night, but with some hot tubbing and some pizza from downtown . I am so relaxed at this point and wondering if these mountains have magical powers. While the boys aren't at each other's throats and Daniel has the baby engrossed in Mickey Mouse, I grab a towel and head outside on the deck. I shed my inhibitions and my clothes for the first time since a random roadtrip to the nude beach with my girlfriends in New Jersey many years (and many many pounds) ago. I am high above the roads with no people for miles on the top of a mountain with a view so clear I felt nestled in fluffy, white clouds. I spread my towel out and let the sun pour down on me. The heat soothed my body and the quiet eased my mind. As I lay there in this purest form of tranquility I realized that I was alone.. I haven't been alone in eight years. I am free to read or think and to just be me. There is a sense of freedom and sensuality in stripping down (physically and figuratively ) and just being alone with yourself in nature and being perfectly at ease. This moment on my trip changed me back to the girl I was. I wanted to live life instead of going through the motions. I wanted to make my dreams come to fruition. I wanted to be actively participating in my life and my kids life instead of waiting on the sidelines for something to happen. That lasted an hour and a half, then dad informed me that my foosball championship title was in danger and I was needed to defend it in the basement.Somehow, that tired , rundown mom I was when I got there was gone and I was ready for the challenge.
On to the next phase of this trip. The great outdoors awaited Friday morning after we checked out of the cabins. First a walk through town while waiting for the Scenic Blue Ridge train ride to begin. We had breakfast at a cute little outdoor dining spot and the boys loved it. I read real estate pamphlets and sipped my tea. Could I see myself living here? Absolutely. Do I have the money to move? Nope. Onward. Immediately after breakfast, my kids want snowcones... what the heck it is vacation! By the time the train arrived the kids were practically Smurfs with blue lips , tongues and cheeks but we board and enjoy the views. Enter Mandy's bad luck. The train stops abruptly and the conductors voice booms over the speaker. It appears that since the storms the train hasn't ran and no, no one had thought to check the tracks, so after they get out a chainsaw and chop down the tree that had fallen across the path we were on we would be on our way. In the meantime, they take our picture. This doesn't seem significant on my road to self discovery, but just wait... It comes back to haunt and change me later. After we arrive at our destination, I think back to a movie that stirs emotions in me every time I watch it and just have to do something. Picture Mandy Moore in A Walk To Remember. She wanted to be in two places at once. Well, I immediately take the boys to the State line of Georgia and Tennessee and straddle it. We take pictures of our feet and giggle. Now my children have been in two places at once and they can cross that off there bucket list as something they did with mom. We explored the area and between lunch , toy shopping, and taking millions of pictures passed the day until the train boarded again. Then it happens...
"Woould you like to buy your family portrait from the beginning of the trip?" a sugary sweet , young girl says to me with a grin. I nod and ofcourse say yes. She hands me the photo. Now, Ive been taking photos the whole trip , but there have not been many taken of me. I stare down at these people. A sexy, bald man holding a cute chubby baby that looks just like him, a tall , thin boy with a silly grin , and a shorter boy with big dimples. Then I saw this woman. She was a stranger, most certainly not me. This woman was fat. Now, I don't mean fat like when I was a size six and weighed 118lbs and thought I was fat. I mean an extremely overweight person who was smiling and loved her life and that beautiful family she was there with, but was definitely not happy or healthy in this body . What had happened to me?
Let me not allow you to think I am bonkers and didn't notice that I had gained weight. I knew I did. After my oldest, I never fit into those size six jeans again. After my second son, I fit into those jeans again, but they were by no means a size six. And now, eight months after the birth of my third and final baby, those jeans that I was not pleased to be wearing in the first place are also too tight. What a mess. I cried. I was depressed and all that relaxation was shot. This had to change. The ride home, I was silent. No singing, minimal laughing and words eluded me. I had four hours of reflection on that ride.
There are so many ways this short trip changed me. First, the elusive do-gooder on the way to the mountains who restore my faith,being spared from those storms that stole so many lives, followed by recapturing my sense of self on that deck in the sky, seeing the joy in my children whether at home or on vacation and being active and playing with them more . Finally, and maybe the most important of all. The view from this heaven was wonderful, but I am in no way ready for heaven yet. I need to take better care of myself inside and out. I have too much to live for here on earth to let my life slip away. So now, the real journey begins...
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